Parting company ....

Hello, I am a 2007 Honda Civic Coupe DX with a manual transmission. I have been with my owner, the “Maintenance Freak” (that’s “MF” for short …) since first going on the road in July 2008. During those years, I have thoroughly enjoyed every one of my 167,445 Kms.

I am extremely clean and always take pride in the way I look. MF is frequently caught, sometimes under the cover of darkness, washing my body, engine and underside. My interior is showroom condition and my windows spotless and bright.

Unfortunately, I am plagued with that awful Honda clear coat issue that has afflicted many of my siblings of the similar vintage. This has always been an extremely sensitive subject with MF and is generally not openly discussed. The annoying issue got so bad back in October 2015, that he was becoming a Pen Pal Buddy with the President and CEO of Honda Canada Inc., Jerry Chenkin ~ but that’s enough of that, I have already said far too much …!!!!

As for the rest of my body, I have absolutely no corrosion, rust spots or any disfigurements, I believe this is totally down to the ceaseless washing and pampering that I have enjoyed all my life.

Back in March 2012, my rear bumper had to be replaced ~ an event took place which is recorded as a day that will live-in infamy. It was while MF was having a root canal, and I was happily parked outside the dentist’s office contemplating life on the road, when suddenly somebody hit my rear corner and quickly drove away. When MF came back and saw me in such distress, he almost went into a state of hyperventilation with anxiety and panic. But alas it all got sorted out, under his strict supervision, a Honda recommended body shop fixed me up as good as new. I am delighted to report, that I have never suffered any lasting side-affects from the awful incident.

My engine, as you will note from the accompanying photograph is stunningly clean, MF is often asked by those who have no knowledge of his oddball behaviour ~ “What do you use to clean that engine” ~ his answer is standard and simple ~ “Nothing, it never gets dirty” ~ He regularly sponges my engine with soap and water, then thoroughly rinses me off afterwards. This personal luxury causes me no harm, I am completely waterproof in all my parts under the hood. The resulting benefit is, it is absolutely impossible for anyone to get dirty while rummaging around my hidden components.

In the time that MF and I have been together, he has stuck to his own regimented maintenance schedule, which by far exceeds anything Honda could dream up or mandate. He has done all the maintenance by himself; no other person has ever been invited or had the privilege of getting his hands on my working parts.

Since the time of my first oil change way back on November 29, 2008, MF has kept a detailed log of all my maintenance. This can be made available to you to enjoy, during one of those rare moments of relaxation shared with a warm Tim’s coffee and your favourite donut.

It was only a couple of weeks ago that MF once again had me up on all fours, while he did my annual tire rotation, combined with the removal of my brakes for a checking, cleaning and lubrication ~ OMG, the indignity of such occasions, out there on display with all my extremities exposed for all the world to see ~ but even having to suffer that slight embarrassment, I always feel much better afterwards.

Fuel consumption ~ Did I mention that MF is a Nutter …? Well, this next part will go a long way to providing solid evidence of that …

Since I first rolled my wheels onto the road in July 2008 and after each gas fill-up, he has calculated my MPG …. I bet you are now shaking your head ~ correct ..?

Well, it is true ~ so thanks to the “Nutter” and his detailed Fuel Consumption calculations, here is a brief summary of my best and worst personal performances ~

My best MPG was recorded on September 20^th, 2016 at 53.18mpg which was all summer town driving. My worst, as I hang my rear-view mirror in shame, was on March 10^th, 2016 at 34.49mpg which was basically winter town driving. For those metric kids out there, those numbers are 5.31L/100km and 8.19L/100km respectively.

I am always encouraged to do my very best when it comes to fuel consumption, I actually hate the taste of gasoline, so I keep my intake down to an absolute minimum. Other cars by comparison consume much more, I often wonder what their internals must be like after all those years of gasoline abuse.

I would say depending upon how you drive (MF always drives carefully with economy in mind), with the summer town driving you should easily get from the mid 40’s to the mid 50’s mpg. In winter that will drop to the mid 30’s to low 40’s mpg ~ but those numbers are truly up to you and really will depend upon your driving style.

 

I have a MVI certificate that expires in July next year ~ in a similar way to the cheeky kid who can easily pass wind on demand, I can pass those tests no problem and like that same kid, it’s always a breeze ….

 

In the years that MF and I have been together, he has not spent too much money on me, which could be a reflection of his deep and proud Scottish culture, or perhaps more realistically ~ I don’t need to be flattered by gifts to remain faithful, trouble free and loyal. All he has provided me during our bonding years is, oil, oil filters, air filters, cabin air filters, brake fluid, brake pads and shoes, coolant, transmission oil and a battery. He did once venture close to the outer limits of extravagance, when he furnished me with a new set of Michelins, which I really love.

 

So that is the scoop, I am available at a price of $TBD. I would really like to meet anyone who would be willing to partner up with me. Please feel free to arrange a visit, so that myself and MF can make a full in-depth assessment by means of an interview.